The theme of feeling free often comes up in therapy. It can take many forms but, for young people, it frequently centres around the idea of the freedom to be themselves.
I spent a long time considering what freedom means. On one hand it’s obvious – it’s the opposite of being trapped. But the more I thought about it, the more complicated it became. I circled around freedom of choice, freedom of expression, freedom of thought. Freedom is abstract. Whilst it can be a physical freedom, more often than that, it’s a feeling. Whether or not you feel free, often comes down to personal circumstances.
Amazingly, this can even happen in very extreme situations. Freedom is associated with liberty and autonomy, yet I heard a story recently about a prisoner who was trapped in a tiny cell for years on end. During his long incarceration he built a house in his mind. He did this in real time, so he imagined the back-breaking months it takes to dig out the ground, then he lay the foundations, and slowly, slowly he created his dream house. He literally built his freedom in his mind, whilst all the time he was trapped in a cell with no sense of liberty or autonomy and very little hope of physical freedom.
Hopefully, none of us will ever experience anything as awful as that. But I’m sure we can all relate to that feeling of being stuck. Stuck in a routine, stuck for ideas, stuck emotionally. Freedom allows us to change, to choose what we say, think, or act, but what if we can’t? Or rather, we don’t know how to?
When we’re very young, we rely on our parents to help us sort things out. They may explain the choices we have, and then guide us into making a decision based on the best of these choices. But as we get older, and enter the long years of adolescence, we begin to move away from looking towards our parents for guidance. We’re trying to work out who we are, as individuals. We may turn more to friends for support and comfort as we navigate the multitude of different faces, fashions and attitudes we’ll encounter through our teenage existence. This is all perfectly normal and a necessary preparation for adulthood.
But it can be a bit of a rocky road. We find, along with our quest to discover who we are, that we have responsibilities. We can’t just do whatever we feel like. There are rules. Our freedoms mustn’t negatively impact those of another. It’s important to consider that, while we have the freedom to think, say and act as we feel is true to us, so does everyone else. And everyone’s freedom looks different. As we saw at the beginning, it doesn’t even have to be a physical freedom. Sometimes the most powerful freedom we have is in our mind. Whatever pressures or constraints are placed upon us by parents, school, society in general or even ourselves, we can all absolutely find a freedom in our imaginations.
Think for a moment – what is your freedom?
Reading a book, watching a film, dancing like no-one’s watching, singing in front of the mirror like Beyonce, performing on stage, swimming in the sea, playing for or supporting your favourite team, listening to your favourite band while wearing the T-shirt you got at their last gig, wild camping, going to festivals, hiking, galloping for miles on horseback, being with your friends…
Think of the place where you feel happy, free and totally like you. There may not be anyone else there with you, or you may be surrounded by many. Think of that feeling. Harness it. This is your superpower. This is (literally) your freedom.
The next time you feel stuck, or trapped, think about what makes you feel like you, and do what you can to make it happen. Even small moments of freedom are enough to help us when we’re feeling stuck. And if you haven’t yet found the thing that makes your heart sing, you will. Teenage years are meant to be a voyage of discovery, so discover who you truly are, and fly free.